Under the Microscope

This is going to feel like an AA meeting, I think.

How many of you, like me, when your work is undergoing the intense scrutiny of editing or proofreading, wriggle?

I swear to God, when I finished editing the first three chapters of Substance, I was feeling pretty good about the book as a whole. Hear me roar, Writerverse! People love my story! I love my story! My fortune is assured! It's a Gene Kelly tapdancing kind of good!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However....

...since sending out my finished novel to Team Proofread, I have descended into the depths of moronity. Oh, my God, the things I've written down and pretended pass for English! The horror! The horror!

Now, of course, given my inexplicable inability to edit my own work, in spite of the fact that essentially checking and editing student work is what I do for a living, you might say, very wise, oh Catherine, that you have asked Team Proofread to step in and accomodate your weakness, your lack of proofreading skill. You think a story is done, but you know you need Team Proofread. Every writer needs Team Proofread. When you wrote your dissertation, you needed Team Proofread.

Sure. But I swear, I didn't know I was sending them pig latin!

And what do I think of the novel now? You know, I still think it's a Good Novel (TM), very viable and worth selling. It's fresh and the concept is both original and in style (Freedom is slavery there? What?). If an editor takes the novel in hand and makes me work to really buff it up, it could be a Very Good Novel (TM). I'd do it too. I've written a thesis, so I know how all that works. I know writing is a collaborative process, an unending cycle. Yeah, I've studied that stuff in college too, so I'm still positive and upbeat. Buff, buff, buff.

However...

...when a book you've written is under intense scrutiny, and all you're hearing about are the foolish mistakes you've made, it's hard not to feel foolish. The whole process is a little like self-flagellation, or better yet, much like when your parents showed pictures of you as a naked baby in the baby tub to your first high school boyfriend. Awkward. Embarrassing. Those were the days! Write a book and you can live them again!

We all have moments when we, as writers, figure we shouldn't be let near the English language.

If you're lucky, in the end, without a lot of therapy, you figure this is a lot like what having an editor will be like. You detach from the work, you work hard to make the suggested changes, and you roll with it. Writing a book is a journey. And it's not about you, exactly. It starts and ends with you, but there's more.

You correct the pig latin, realize your work is more than the sum of its faults, and try to recapture some of that confident feeling of worth that made you send it off in the first place. You slog it out. Others help you slog it out.

So, I guess I should do some editing, in the event that someone wants more of this book. Remember, Catherine, recently you made the first cut. That's something, even if this particular submission goes no further. You keep writing, because you love it, you crazy, zany masochist!!! Keep the faith, and realize that pig latin isn't forever.

Catherine

ps Why are you wasting your time writing semi-humorous blog articles, when you should be editing? I'm just saying.