I Can’t Think of a Good Title for this One

Concerning this post from Jim Hines this morning.

Here's the quote that caused so much controversy.

“My daughter is mocking Voltron. This is how child abuse happens.”

All right. So. Long time readers know that I was an abused child. AND long time readers know that I've been triggered and talked about it on this blog (still not buying Amazon!).

I get why some people would see this as problematic. If you are a person who walks in off the internet street, you don't know Jim from anyone else, and you see this comment, you would probably think that he could be a jerk, especially if you have no context to place this in, and your own subjective experience focuses you on the second part of the statement, rather than the first.

Of course, I have been reading Jim's blog a long time. I've met Jim in real life. I was his liaison at a convention, making sure he had shrubbery. I would know that this is a sensitive man overall, who thinks all the time about issues just like this, which is why he wrote his apologetic entry. I would understand he was making a stab at humor, which is going to work for some, and not for others. I have the benefit of context to temper my reaction to this statement.

And that brings us around to caution on the Internet. I assume Jim made this post because he was trying to be witty. Many people found it so, especially those of us with context. We know Jim's a pretty funny guy, and that, coupled with our context of him as a sensitive guy, means we probably would not assume he meant this in a belligerent way. Still, we can't excuse the reaction that the internet stranger might bring to bear on this statement.

What can bloggers do? Do we wander around very cautiously, avoiding every potential pitfall that we can, measuring everything that we say? I'm not sure, given that we are human, that this is even possible. Do we take responsibility for what we say, regardless of how people read it out of context? Of course we do. We can contextualize ourselves when a reader needs an apology, and when a reader is just being a troll.

I know this from my own Amazon incident. Most of the writer community was focused on the free speech issues of the book, and the issue that represented, and I couldn't do that, being all triggery and basically not giving a damn at the time. Sure, Jim's statement could have hit someone just wrong. Abuse is a weird thing. What if someone's abuser did beat them for having a difference of opinion about tv? Heck, yes, that would make Jim's statement a trigger.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: bloggers have a responsibility to own what they say. They can agree or disagree with readers. They can apologize when they see that they are giving offense. Or, they can pull an Elizabeth Moon, and decide that giving offense and perhaps pride is more important than apology. They choose how they represent themselves. If one makes a mistake, and one truly feels it, and one apologizes, that's about the best they can do. Otherwise, well, not everyone is going to like you or the things you say. If you worry otherwise, perhaps blogging is not for you.

Readers are not off the hook as well. Rather than just asking ourselves, "who is this asshole?" we should try to dig up some context, or ask some rational questions. If context bears us out and we are reading the blog of someone we don't feel aligned with or are offended by, we have choices. We can engage in dialogue for change, which is in my experience seldom successful on the Internet due to its inherent limitations (no metalanguage often results in flaming). We can write that person off. But again, it's crazy to expect that you're going to agree with everyone you come across on the Internet.

Which isn't to say that Jim was right here. But he's done the best he can with the realization that he may well have offended some, and rather than call those people out as overreacting to his obvious humor, he's sending a message of apology just in case he missed something in context. Which is another reason why I intend to continue to interact with Jim. He just proved to me that he is yet again a person worth knowing.

As my mother-in-law says, "It doesn't matter who apologizes first. It matters that someone does." Even if you feel you may be in the right, and someone is overreacting, an apology costs you nothing and purchases a lot of good will.

Catherine

Mirrored from Writer Tamago.

Terror

And here's the post that I was planning on for today. Today you get two.

I don't know why it's happening, but it is. A week ago, I was roaring with writing confidence. I came out of the Donald Maass workshop with a ton of work to do on my novel. This isn't a big deal. Work doesn't intimidate me. I've spent seven years on a doctorate, two years on getting a costume just right, and at work I continually work to improve the classes and staff I'm in charge of. My life is one big ouevre of hard work.

I'm actually a hard work kind of girl. I like working hard. Bring on the work ethic! I really thought that having structure and a plan, rather than just this vague idea that I had to fix the morass of my novel, would make my life easier.

I have done a lot of work with structure and back story. I have done some of the Maass exercises. I'm doing the writing RIGHT NOW. I'm doing it. I'm not shirking at all.

And yet, I am terrified this week. What if I can't do all this? What if I can't turn this thing into the great work I want it to be? What if my time for writing this has past? Should I move on to something else? I don't want to. I don't think that's the case at all. But what if?

The logical answers are pretty clear. You revise until you get it right, or you decide you can't. You'll know. The emotional answers are not so clear. I love this story cycle, I love these characters, and I want to share them in the best way I possibly can. I'm not putting this out there until it's right, and other readers agree with me.

With that kind of mind set, I have to ask myself why I'm so afraid. The only thing I can think of is writer insanity. I can do this. But I hear writers have these periods of time where they doubt themselves and think what they're doing is crap or worthless, or, as in my case, they don't have the chops to do it.

So, if you're out there this week, doubting yourself for any reason, I'm with you. I'm thinking this is a normal part of both the writing process and the beginning of a large task. I'm intimidated. I'm insecure. Insecure? I guess that means I'm a typical writer.

At least I hope so. I'm hoping some of you will weigh in with your anecdotes to make me feel better, or at least to make sure I don't need therapy.

Next week will be better.

Catherine

Mirrored from Writer Tamago.