And Then the Last Few Weeks Caught Up with Me

Saturday night I had an anxiety attack. Sore chest, anxiousness, all that. Nope, I stayed home. I knew it for what it was.

We'd had a good day out at the movies with our friends Mark and Michelle, and I'd settled down to check some papers, except no, that just wasn't where I was going to go. I was, instead, overwhelmed. So I spent the night relaxing, and I checked papers yesterday. I also put myself in a carb induced coma and watched a lot of junky television. Mission: Impossible Season 5 is seriously mod. Leonard Nimoy has second degree burns.

My theory is that the last few weeks have finally caught up with my biochemistry. Bad Schaff-Stump. Not meditating. Not taking breaks at work. Not walking enough. Worrying about husband and his family. Feeling guilty about own family. Filling all spare time with chores. Turning everything into a checklist.

Relapse is freakin' wonderful.

I've also gained about 5 pounds, which is about right with the plantar fasciitis, the food of two conferences and a bed and breakfast stay, unhappiness and stress. And the heartburn is back. Oh yeah.

***

So, I'm writing tonight. Stress reducing exercise will be number one for the next several days and I'm putting myself on 2 Xanax a day until further notice. It really helps. I mean, right now, I am super mellow. What I really want to see is if these steps will help me stop freaking at work, which I did today. While my introvert battery should have been drained, I shouldn't have been freaking. It wasn't that bad a day. I'm just getting used to freaking.

Ah well. If it were easy, everyone would be sane. At any rate, I'll be keeping you posted. I'll try to write here more. That's a nice little break. And if I'm writing fiction, instead, I'll at least let you know that.

I dunno, man. All I can say is this: If you're young, and you're a workaholic, and you don't see it catching up with you, knock it off. You're in for a hell of a surprise after 40 if you don't develop some good living and relaxing habits. I mean that most seriously.

Ah well. The silver lining is I don't appear able to have anxiety and depression at the same time. You take what you can get.

Remember--relax and goof off. Nothing is more important for your health. They say fruit and veggies. I say happiness, and will continue to be a believer.

Mirrored from Writer Tamago.