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Thanks to The Ferrett, I've received a most insightful critique. Thanks!
The critique leads me in a circle, back to something I have realized about my work before. There's an idea that writers should put their work away, and then return to it to make it better, substantially changing the piece. Time gives writers like this new insight. Some writers discover that they have to write a zero draft, and most of that draft is unusable, as the book becomes something else entirely in the rewriting. That's me when I'm writing my best work.
Mirrored from Writer Tamago.