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cathschaffstumpBoy. Wouldn't life be easier if you gave up the whole getting published thing? Wouldn't that just be one less thing for you to worry about? Well, what do you think, Professor Girl? One less thing on your plate?
I went in to talk to the doc, yet again, about the heartache of ringworm, which, for the uninitiated is really fungus, not worms. More cream, more aggression. More laundry! As part of that, you always drop some random health stuff. Yeah, I'm dieting now. Clean eating. Note the pounds I've lost. Yeah, my blood pressure is always high at urgent care. Nothing to worry about here? Good. Oh...sometimes I've been having incredible moments of stress when I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. My chest gets tight, I get angry.
Cue the screeching halt. The word xanax is mentioned.
Xanax? Hey, that's more medicating than I want, right? 'Cause that's not Wellbutrin, which is my personal Jiminy Cricket. That's like a name brand with a big ad campaign medicine for people who have...issues. That means that the Furies have their claws more in me than I thought, that I can't just will it away. I am not that person! I mean, I'm okay with other people being that person, but I'm the person who supports people, not the person who needs help. (Cath finds out where her biases about depression and anxiety, and where her insecurities about not being perfect and in control, really begin.)
No, says the doc, moving me away from my biases and prejudices. It's not addictive, you don't have to take it all the time, only when you need it. Here's a super low dose. You can choose when you take it. You seem like a person who is very concerned with what you put in your body. I know you won't abuse it. But see how you do with it
And just like that, I have the modern mother's little helper in my medicine cabinet. Just in case my life gets too rough and I can't get my worry and anger under control. And I have to say it makes me think about the amount of stuff I'm doing and the pressure I'm putting on myself.
Mirrored from Writer Tamago.